My Little Known Ways to Overcoming Fear

Is overcoming fear stopping you from having the life you desire?

It’s actually very interesting how that word Fear really scares people.

It carries a lot of weight! Most people don’t want to admit or think of them selves as having fears. Maybe because we are taught somewhere along the line that is not an attractive trait.

For me not overcoming fear was a reoccurring obstacle throughout my life. Not dealing with it for one thing. No matter what I was afraid of, I learned to ignore everything. I always felt if I ignore this feeling it will go away.

It did go away...for a while. What I didn’t realize,it had never really gone anywhere. It was buried down deep inside me waiting, taking up quite a bit of energy to keep it from coming back up. Somehow after awhile there it was, waiting for me like a faithful friend. Only I didn’t want to play.

Overcoming Fear ...Resistance

The first thought I would have when I was in fear is………….STOP!!! I would run as far away from that feeling as I could get. I would chose almost anything as a distraction to get away from that awful feeling. (Shopping, men, drinking, eating, cigarettes, you know the list) Some of these things actually worked for awhile. No reason at that point to get rid of a perfectly good group of coping mechanisms.

A distraction can be anything done to an excess. The list is endless…

Like all good distractions they stopped working. I was left with the one thing I had been running away from my FEAR. At that point I had really only two choices. I like to think I had more but it all boiled down to, deal with the fear or never stop running.

I really didn’t want to deal with it. After all I had spent most of my life avoiding it. And at that point I thought I had done a pretty good job. The last thing I wanted to do was take a look at it.

I didn’t want to look at what my demons may be. That left me with the same thing I had been doing all along. Avoiding it. And that clearly wasn’t working anymore. I know one thing about fear the more you avoid it the bigger it gets. I was hoping it was the other way around. So there I was facing these two choices.

If I could explain the resistance I had to overcoming fear, I would have to compare it to the size of two universes and a small galaxy thrown in just so you get the point.

Overcoming Fear …Acceptance

I then decided to make the choice to look into exactly what I was afraid of. That may sound simple enough, remember I’m not used to doing that.

I had many fears; this made it difficult to know exactly what I was afraid of. I had a few ideas but I never looked close enough to really find out what I was so afraid of.

This acceptance phase took some getting used to. Once I decided to jump in my life started to flow. I realized I didn’t want to go back to living in that dark place of fear and playing hide and seek with the boogie man, that was literally wearing me OUT!

Overcoming Fear …Action

Next I needed a bit of help. I started going to support groups were you can share. I read self help books. I went to seminars. I shared with a therapist.

Every one of these actions helped. But what really made the difference was my willingness to take a look at what, I was so afraid of.

What I found out is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received!

Overcoming Fear …The Lights Come On

I had to stop and actually look at what I was afraid of. Yes that meant feeling it. If I didn’t actually feel it then I would not have been able to get rid of it. That was the first step. Feeling it.

When I say feeling it I mean letting yourself go to that dark hiding place where your mind thinks it will die if it goes there. That place. Really go there. Feel what it is you think is going to kill you.

I looked at it like this, “What do I have to lose? It’s killing me by not feeling it!!”

Once I felt the pain, I could then release it. I mean really feeling and releasing, where you’re crying so hard it’s difficult to catch your breath, that kind of feeling/releasing it. I would say to myself, please let me go as deep and be as honest as I am capable of.

I soon began to realize that it wasn’t going to kill me. Not even close. I also realized that it did just the opposite. It gave me a light feeling. As if I had just unloaded twenty tons of baggage. I actually felt euphoric.

I wanted to shout from the roof tops. “I feel better..not worse!”

I thought,” Why did it take me this long to find that out? “If I knew ahead of time it would feel that great afterward, I would have tried it a lot sooner!

I was so excited I wanted to do this again with a few other things I had been running from forever. Every time I did this release, I felt lighter. I actually thought I lost a few pounds in the process.

Overcoming Fear …Taking it a step further

I realized that some of my fears were things I was going to actually have to do… Like public speaking. I love people and I love to share but for a smaller crowd of one or two. Another one was my fear of ghosts. These items weren’t something I could release by crying. These types of fears called for action.

Overcoming Fear … I decided to Make a Fun Game of it

When it came to speaking I decided to sign myself up to speak to groups for free. If one of the groups I belonged to asked me to speak I would say yes first and then figure out if I had time in my schedule.

I began looking at the fear differently … ”Where there is fear there is opportunity” This became my motto that I live by today!

I found that taking smaller steps made it easier to accomplish the actions necessary to walk through overcoming fear. I started off by speaking to a small group. The more I did this the more comfortable I became. I didn’t try to take on Carnegie Hall or anything. That’s coming up… I’m sure. :)

Overcoming Fear …The spirits and ghosts

I felt such a sense of freedom and peace from walking through that fear I decided to tackle the ghosts.

I had seen the ghost of my grandfather seventeen years ago plus a few other unexplained things that really scared me. I had always felt their were spirits around me as long as I can remember.

What I did there was to really investigate ghosts. I decided I’m going to find out all about them. I did have an experience with a ghost once and ever since then…forget about it.

I bought every book I could find on spirits and ghosts. I went to seminars where they were featuring mediums. I actually witnessed mediums talking to spirits. I started watching TV shows about the paranormal.

I never would have done any of these things before. I was too busy avoiding them. This ghost thing really frightened me. The mere idea of a ghost was terrifying, let alone watching a whole show about them.

I now know more about ghosts and spirits then most mediums. Oh, there is a difference between the two. A ghost is when you see someone’s life trapped in time, it can’t actually interact with the world…Whew!

A spirit usually appears when there is a problem of some sort and they want to help. Like your late Aunt Edna knows you’re suffering because of something and she wants to tell you not to worry. The point is that rarely happens.

If it happens at all it is because the person still alive has a deep seated need that the spirit (usually someone who the person was very close to when they were alive) is filling. By the way you have to be pretty lucid and receptive to even receive these messages.

Overcoming Fear …The Best Part

The funny thing is, it’s not that easy to see and talk to spirits. Here I was afraid for all those years and now I can’t get a ghost to show up here for anything! I know I’ve tried. :)

That is truly the funniest part about fear. When you really look at it, it really goes away.

I highly recommend taking the first steps in overcoming fear.

1. Willingness to take a look at them. Once you find out how easy it is. It makes the next step all that much smoother.

2. Support in opening up. That can be in a group, going to a therapist or talking to a trusted friend.

3. Taking an action step that deals with that actual fear. You want to do the thing you are most afraid of. Look it in the eye so to speak.

You’re going to laugh about how long it took you to do it. If you're anything like me that is!

If I do end up talking to spirits I’ll be sure to write an article all about it!!

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