Help I have low self esteem and need direction!!!

by David

I have chronic fatigue...I am indecisive and have no enthusiasm. My passion is my dog and family. I have also made music my passion, from which I have made a good living. My other passion is writing and photography coupled with authentic Kabbalah.

I am trying to get a slide show business off the ground and would like to get back into entertaining....singing etc...but I have lost my self esteem.

I have little "push!" and I personally feel like I have done everything I have wanted to do in life, and have no desire to go any further.

I have been a mean surfer lol! and a mean racer of karts for years. I have had a successful business and traveled Australia. I have seen my babies grow into adults and seen both parents pass away.

I have been the most popular person on the planet and then the most unpopular person. I think outside the square and get bored easily. A 9 - 5 job would kill me.

I have invented at least ten products only to sit on them and eventually see another company bring out the same product years later. Blaa blaa blaa!!! I do see the world as one living cell with its illusion... that we are separate.

I have also read a lot of Dee Paks' and other self help books including Tony Robbins and many many more. I have a good understanding of quantum physics and its illusion reference. So I could go on.....

But! anyway!.....I do like helping people whenever I can, and this is where I gain the most pleasure. LOVE and giving is the secret to eternal pleasure. So what is missing here?

If I could help people through music,photography and Kabbalah, I would be headed in the right direction........ but I have no idea how or what that would be. What product could I market?

Especially when I personally believe it should be free.

I have low self esteem and I do suffer from depression now and then. I do take meds...(have done for 20 years..light doses)...but I am tired..
I take electrolytes to sustain some normality of fitness and energy, and fish oil to stop the arthritis. Yep! that's me..I am tired..tired and 46. Organization is my downfall. I am excited about becoming a true Kabbalist, but I find it hard to read and concentrate...I am at times just worn out..I have no desire or want to???? Hows that for starters?

I have not one ounce of wanting or the need for money. Money has never been any sort of inspiration to me. As long as I am ok! and my family and dog is ok!...I have bread to eat and a roof over my head.....That is enough! But I need some sort of goal. So what to is missing? I have done the lot. What is there left. So I sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Surprise me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David