I can't believe I have found this site

I'd like to say this is the lowest point I've ever reached in my life, but that's not true. I've been much much lower. Still, it's getting old. Very old. And so am I. Time is running out to realize my dreams. I've made very bad choices along the way and I think I'm overpaying for them.

I try to do something good for someone else at least every week - if not more often - and it is genuine altruism - but I'm a very lonely woman nonetheless. It's not that I'm expecting anything in return, but I would like to feel some happiness. I wonder what I am doing to block the good, or maybe I'm so down I'm not seeing it. I'm in a sexless marriage to a good man, in love with someone else from 30 friggin' years ago and I can't get over him. My job worsens every day. Basically, the organization is like, Welcome to XXXXX. Check your ideas at the door - you won't be needing them here. Check your self-esteem, your pride, your thoughts....and by the way, we don't believe you should have a private life, so please don't think you're going to be able to visit the doctor, or go to funerals, or have off for weddings....

I feel like the most undesirable and unnoticed woman in the world. I AM INVISIBLE. I don't want to be invisible anymore. I have a book in me begging to get out but I'm in too much emotional AND physical pain and all I do in my free time is clean and recover from work.

I'm glad to have found this site, though - I think it might be able to help. Too bad I'm too broke for a life coach.