Scared But Willing

by NoisyNora
(Illinois)

Hi! Well I don't know where to start... I was very connected to spirit as an older teenager, but didn't really understand much of it...

I found myself in a party crowd, and started what would become an addiction to alcohol and nicotine. I'm 34 now married and have a 6 year old daughter. I am 27 days sober, but smoking like a chimney. I have been engrossed in spiritual books for the last year, which has been such a changing force in my life.

My current situation is that I am so close to being connected, but I feel sooo much resistance. My family is in huge debt, and we are pennypinching in a really desparate way.

My husband has lost much of his will to care about anything. Just goes to work and comes home to share his despair. I want to get my family back. I want to be free of my addictions. I want to have financial freedom. I want to know that what I do for my family does matter. I want to love myself again. I want spirit to flow through me.

I make every excuse not to meditate or do yoga. I just need a boost to propel myself forward. My sobriety came after a crises, but I feel like I want to bring more happiness my way without digging a big hole in the mud.

Am I making any sense? My self esteem is really low right now. I went to the library yesterday to check out another Wayne Dyer book, I saw a book by Deepak Chockra (correct spelling?) next to the one I was considering. I had recognized his name from another Dyer book. When I pulled the Dyer book from the shelf, on the back there were several critical acclaims about the book by other authors, Deepak was one....

a few hours later I was on a community website, I clicked on a new friend's profile and saw Dawn Abraham and clicked on her site and found that she had studied with Deepak.

I immediately new that something was calling me. I am listening, and I am reaching out through this article. Please help me, and thank you so much for the opportunity!