Sweetest Victory

by Alejandra Leon
(Columbus, Ohio, USA)

OK...I'm a Mexican Ph D student in Ohio who 2 years ago was feeling that she finally had some control of her life like never before. I had struggled with depression my whole life, and after going on an Odyssey since I was 24, I felt that finally I had settled myself with the help of anti-depressants and therapy.

My life has been admired by many people, but I really don't wish this for anybody. I lived in Korea where I met who now is my husband. Did my Master's Degree over there and soon thereafter I had my first baby and moved to Columbus. Here, I started my PhD and had my second baby right at the moment we wanted. We had a lot of plans, and I was recovering and healing in many ways from my childhood.

Right after that I presented my general examination (the one that let's you go on with your dissertation and you don't need any more classes). Finally I was on my way to finish one of those big commitments I've made in my life and.........ANOTHER BABY??????!!!!! All my plans to do research and wrap up the year of 2007 with my biggest diploma ever, went down the drain along with my feeling of commanding my own destiny (how naive!)

The pregnancy came with 4 month of unemployment for my husband and the threat to move somewhere else, even with a lower salary and restarting a life and all that comes with it when you move to a place where you don't know anybody. I was very upset and angry with my husband and my life, but most of all, I felt that the confidence I had experienced for the first time ever was too short lived.

My baby came in July among all this turmoil and I decided to name her Victoria to remind me to not quit. I've read a lot about Buddhist philosophy and books by Wayne Dyer and Deepak Chopra. Somehow, they let me discover the beauty in my imperfections and to face life as it comes.


I still fear the future, but I've learned not to focus on it but on the very present that I live RIGHT NOW. I know that uncertainty is one of the definitions of life itself and that I can have plans for tomorrow but only GOD decides whether they materialize or not.


After all, I'm enjoying life even better than my best moments in the last couples of years and found out that my third child came to me as the SWEETEST VICTORY among all victories.