Transitions Can Be Scary.

by Crystal Kiroff
(Mason City, IA, USA)

I have always been a very loyal person to the people in my life, even when horrible situations have happened.

Recently I noticed that my attitude towards people was changing. I stopped being that carefree person who could joke and get along with anyone. I started getting mean, and hurt,and becoming more isolated from people. I lost my job which was very frightening for me since I have used work as a way to cope with my life since I was nearly seven years old.

Feeling fearful, and not having a direction to go, but a few ideas that would not bother me so much, I turned my desires inward and started listening to my emotions. They are powerful guides to what we desire, even when our head tells us differently due to logical means. I had a call from a job that I had worked for before as I was collecting unemployment. They were offering less pay and after I hung up the phone from agreeing to meet for the interview.


I felt a lot of tension in my stomach and nauseated. I did go for the interview but declined the job. If my inner self was so sick about me taking the position then it was wrong for me.


I signed up for a life coach and expressed my desires to go back to college for a Masters in Social Work, I realized that it was not the people so much that I did not like working for, but the administrators that I had been working for trying to control me. It felt wrong and abusive to me and it was not what I wanted out of my life. Although I am not completely through this transition, I feel much better about having a coach to guide me a little and confide in as I sort out my issues.


One year ago I would have never even thought of calling someone to help me make positive choices for myself. That was not my nature. Every second seemed to be natured in someone elses benefit, but not for me. I am looking at this break of unemployment as a turning point. I have the chance to relax and rest that I have never had.

I have been able to connect with some positive people and meet family members who have lived so far away that I had never met them, and I am nearly 30 years old. It was a huge relief to me after meeting those family members as if my soul remembered that it belonged here with my family, and understanding my roots and having the support from my family is helping to open myself up to making more positive friends.

These new experiences are guiding me through the pain and although I don't have a job right now I feel comforted knowing that I still have the support of my family and my life coach until I can step into a role that makes me feel more complete and that I am growing again.

I have started to not grieve over the conditions that I have stepped out of recently, but to hope and search for new possibilities. I am scared to let go of my comfort zone and try new experiences as that familiar thought comes in to my head at times. "What if I fail?"

Then I remember what my mother told me once, "You only fail when you stop trying." That stubborness in myself is keeping me from growing as I hold ever so tightly onto the things I think I will lose if I take that next step, which is ridiculous... My family will always be there and as long as I have their support I can do anything. Even though it feels like I am free falling at times, I would say it is letting go of what no longer suits me and it is okay to acknowlege the changes as they happen and that uncomfortable feeling as we grow.

I would like to send a shout out to all those individuals who are unemployed like myself right now. Please don't give up or get discouraged, I know how uncomfortable and against the grain it feels to work all the time and to not have that feeling of security and comfort right now. Life is full of mysteries, we never truly know what will come tomorrow, stay open minded and maybe something will come along that is even better than what we had.

My heart is with you! Just go with the natural flow and let good things come to you. I am sure in God's time we will know what all of this has been leading to.